mirthfandomcom-20200215-history
Got Tech Support?
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Female customer: A white one... ---- Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.... ---- Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? ---- Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and. Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates. ---- Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... ---- Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah............thank you. ---- Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies. ---- Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK. Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes. Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work... ---- Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? ---- Customer: Can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. ---- Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. ---- Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. ---- Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? ---- A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine." ---- Tech support: "Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P " to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Colin. Customer: I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT! ---- Tech support: Tech Support, how may I help you? Customer: Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect. Tech support: What sort of trouble? Customer: Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away. Tech support: Went away? Customer: They disappeared. Tech support: Hmm. So what does your screen look like now? Customer: Nothing. Tech support: Nothing? Customer: It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type. Tech support: Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out? Customer: How do I tell? Tech support: Can you see the C: prompt on the screen? Customer: What's a sea-prompt? Tech support: Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen? Customer: There isn't any cursor, I told you, it won't accept anything I type. Tech support: Does your monitor have a power indicator? Customer: What's a monitor? Tech support: It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on? Customer: I don't know. Tech support: Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that? Customer: Yes, I think so. Tech support: Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Customer: Yes, it is. Tech support: When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? Customer: No. Tech support: Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable. Customer: Okay, here it is. Tech support: Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer. Customer: I can't reach. Tech support: Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is? Customer: No. Tech support: Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over? Customer: Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle; it's because it's dark. Tech support: Dark? Customer: Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. Tech support: Well, turn on the office light then. Customer: I can't. Tech support: No? Why not? Customer: Because there's a power outage. Tech support: A power... A power outage? Ah, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in? Customer: Well, yes, I keep them in the closet. Tech support: Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from. Customer: Really? Is it that bad? Tech support: Yes, I'm afraid it is. Customer: Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them? Tech support: Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer. Category:Technonolgy Humor